wots been going on with me...

Well seems like i've not done this for ages, alot has been going on in my life recently which i've been really up and down about!Theres been so many bad things that have been happening lately which really outweigh the good, and i just feel like everything is getting on top of me and i want to just run away from it all and everyone!
I lost my aunty last friday which was really upsetting, and i felt so sorry for my cousins because how it happened was horrible and you wouldn't wish upon anybody. Isn't it really weird how u sometimes dont think about someone very often if at all, then when there gone and not here no more thats all u can think about, which then gets you down even more because you feel bad that you didnt appreciate them when they were here! Were going upto Dumfries in Scotland on monday for the funeral (which is where my mum and family are from) its going to be really sad but i cant wait to get there to see all my family which i dont get to do that much as there all scattered here, there and everywhere.
Then when i was meant to return to work monday just gone they gave me my notice as i had text in rather than called because i didnt have any credit which really upset and annoyed me. And to top that off they gave me a weeks notice (which id been working 30-35hrs aweek)my notice was only 8hours as they said they had no work for me, which they were advertising in the local job centre for staff to cover 35hrs a week which made me laugh.


On a bit of a brighter note, me and steve got back together a while back which i think is a good thing but theres still a hell of alot things that need changing on both sides! i just want to feel loved and made to feel special, which every girl does, and dont get me wrong he does sometimes but im one of these people that need love to feel happy but he needs to be happy to feel love. It does get me down sometimes but i want him so much that i dont care that things are'nt all sweetness and light at the minute, but were working on it and hopefully we will get there soon.
And were meant to be going to spain over the summer holidays to work for 3 months all been well, which should be fun and is something i've always wanted to do, and the tan will just be an added bonus,lol!!

well im getting bored of typing now so going,lol!

Breaking up.

Well me and steve have broke up. Im hoping and praying its not going to be for long but i just dont know. It was my fault ive always been abit paranoid and mistrusting and it has finally pushed him away! I no i shouldnt have been as he had never cheated on me, but sometimes when you get something in your head its kinda hard to get it out again, especially when the circumstances in which we got together were not the best!
I know its no reason not to trust somebody but he works the doors which didnt help matters as far as i was concerned, i always thought of women all over him and trying it on but he promised me even if they did it wouldnt matter he was with me, and now after a year of me hating it and us arguing over it i have actually realsised its true and he was right.

The funny thing is, well not so funny really but anyway, the thing is now ive realised i could have lost him for good, i feel and know in my heart that i can trust him and he would never hurt me like that.

Why is it that they say you dont know what youve got till its gone? i hate this saying, ive decided! Its true though, ive lost the most amazing person in my life and not only that turned him into somebody both of us didnt like and i hate myself for it. And as far as im concerned any woman would be the luckiest woman in the world to have him. I just only wish it was me!

well all that stuff i was ranting on about for valentines as gone out the window,lol!

Valentines Day.

I cant wait for valentines day, i love it the fact that theres a day where you can celebrate been together and guys be romantic (coz lets face it that doesnt happen much,lol).
Im not expecting anything big, as long as its nice and expensive thats all that matters,lol!!
*only joking im not that shallow really, its also got to be very extravagant,lol!!

MEN!!!!!

Ok ive been trying to figure out what it is thats so annoying about them?! And part of my conclusion has come down to that, they say one thing and want it to start happening straight away, so you get everything started you even start looking forward to things yourself, then in the next breath all their actions contradict what they said in the first place.
Lets take steve for example he wanted to move to hull because it would work out cheaper for money, (i.e the cost of travelling to uni n back) so start getting everything sorted and then he doesnt want to go, but by this point when i was all geared up for it and couldnt wait to go. After endless discussions and finally talking him round he was ready for going again. Then we get here and he didnt like it at first and was really home sick, then after second week or so he started to come round and think it was ok. Up until we went to york last week, now he wants to move there, so i thought if going to make him happier fine what the hell, so ive started looking for a job and flat e.t.c and he says we have to slow everything down, i really dont understand where its all coming from. One minute he does next he doesnt it just frusrates me so much.

Finally moved!

well we av finally got here, hull that is was meant to be moving down on the 16th december but with steve operation and financial problems we couldnt, were here now though. got here on the 4th jan and now job hunting none stop really i need to find somethin asap, got a good few interviews lined up this week n next though so hopefully fingers crossed will get somethin sraight away.

christmas

well what can i say i didnt av much of a christmas as on christmas eve steve had to go to a&e as his stomach had got infected, and he was in there till day after boxing day, so all in all not v.gud!!
but didnt feel much like christmas anyways, nobody seems to enjoy christmas anymore bunch of scrooges if you ask me. in sayin that for the past 4 years iv worked all over christmas and new year so this was my first year off! ah well never mind theres plenty more to come :-)